Perfection of Suffering (The Shadows of Wildberry Lane Book 1) Read online

  With a sharp kick to the ribs that had me groaning, she walked out, leaving me furious and speechless. My hands shook as I pulled myself up using the counter, blackness momentarily filling my vision. I blinked, trying to clear it as I moved towards the door, needing to get the heck out of here. Needing away from the tile that now reminded me of when Abby pinpointed everything I secretly fear. The woman had a talent for it.

  Ignoring the looks from my family and probably everyone else, I jogged through the doors onto the patio out back and down the steps. Almost immediately, I sucked in a breath of air and sat down on a large stone bench that faced out towards the course. Luckily, I was hidden away enough that no one could see me as they trickled in for lunch.

  I needed sleep. That was it. I swallowed nervously, my fingers clutching my throat as anxiety hit me hard enough to know I was having a panic attack. This was going to be a bad one. Tears began to form as I slowly stood and made my way around the clubhouse towards Yates’s car, sliding on my sunglasses so that no one could see me crying.

  Signaling to the valet, I grabbed the keys and unlocked the vehicle, sliding into the back. I buried myself against the leather seats of the back row as real tears streamed down my face. I needed to pull it together. I was being weak.

  For the first time in my life, I wanted vengeance. Retribution for her treating me like this. For allowing her to have control over my life like this. I wanted to do something to ruin her, and the longer I sat there, the more this sense of outrage began to crawl over me.

  When the door opened and two large hands gently pulled me up into a firm chest, I was unsurprised to find Sterling’s warmth under my cheek. I buried my nose against his shirt as he smoothed his fingers over my shaking frame, whispering soft assurances that were like a bandage on a terminal illness. I think that was the moment I realized that I was going to have to do something about Abby Brooks.

  “What is going on, sugar?” he demanded softly.

  Running a hand down my face, I pulled back and fixed him with a look that I knew didn’t hide any of what I was feeling. I couldn’t say I was ‘fine’ or ‘okay,’ because we both knew it wasn’t true. I couldn’t say ‘nothing,’ because even I would call that bullshit.

  Before I could respond, my phone buzzed and I turned, worried it was Abby again, only to realize it was already open to messages. My mom had sent one asking if I was okay, probably assuming this was from last night. Sterling gently drew my chin back.

  “You looked through my phone?” I frowned, realizing he’d done so while holding me.

  “Yes.” He didn’t deny it, his expression darkening as if something had just occurred to him. I darted my gaze over his shoulder, seeing my mom making her way out of the club. I didn’t deserve her.

  “I need to go tell her I’m okay,” I explained.

  “Are you?” he asked softly.

  “No,” I answered honestly as I got out of the car. He seemed surprised at my answer, but I couldn’t lie to him. I wasn’t okay. The worst part about all of this? Abby wasn’t wrong. I was from the slums… and who wanted to be with a woman that was into several men? There was something wrong with me.

  I just didn’t know how to fix it.

  Chapter Eleven

  Dahlia Aldridge

  Naps don’t fix everything, but they sure as hell fixed a lot. Especially when they were with Sterling Gates, curled up on the large sofa in my bedroom while watching a rerun of some home improvement show I had no doubt seen ten times. Still, when I woke up several hours later, I found myself staring into his handsome, sleeping face as I laid pressed against his chest. I knew we had to get up soon, but honestly, I could live with missing the bonfire tonight and all the drama that was sure to accompany it. As long as Sterling stayed right here with me.

  I was a bit worried about him. I could see his lip was slightly more purple than usual, and I would bet he had injured it in practice. I thought it was amazing how hard they worked, but I also didn’t want the twins to completely exhaust themselves. Speaking of which, I was surprised that Lincoln had not found his way over here. I’d come back with the two of them, and the second had mentioned stopping home really quick.

  Hearing a light snore, I lifted my head and smiled, finding the man in question laying on my bed, knocked out. Nevermind. He had made it here.

  “Sterling,” I murmured, gently running my fingers up his chest to his neck. He made a small noise, his arms tightening more firmly around me before one azure eye squinted open, offering me a curious, sleepy look.

  “Go back to sleep, sugar,” he mumbled.

  “I can’t,” I teased, “I need to get up. We have the bonfire to go to.”

  Sterling grunted, throwing a large leg over mine and squeezing me tighter against him as I let out a small laugh. Breathing out, I tilted my head towards the television, zoning out slightly as I turned in his arms to get more comfortable. The late afternoon sun was breaking into the room through my windows, and I was so cozy, I seriously considered just deciding to not get up.

  I loved this event, but knowing Abby would be there, and considering everything else that had happened this weekend… I just wasn’t positive it was a good idea.

  My face flushed as Sterling mumbled in his sleep, adjusting his hold on me as my eyes widened at how hard he was against me. I would like to say I didn’t arch back against him just a little bit, but my skin rolled with heat as he grew harder against my ass, his lips pressed against my neck. I know this was ‘morning wood’ or whatever, but it was turning me on like crazy, which was not good for anyone, least of all me.

  “Dahlia.” His voice was deep and husky, still filled with sleep, and I wasn’t actually positive he was awake enough to realize he was pretty much kissing my neck. One of his large arms was locked around my waist, but his other hand was tangled in my hair that I’d pulled down from its ponytail before falling asleep. His fingers tightened their hold slightly and I squirmed, feeling just how wet I was getting.

  Christ, he was big. Like way bigger than I had even imagined. Yes, for the record, I had imagined… often. Very often.

  “Sterling,” I murmured hesitantly as a rumble broke from his throat, his nip on my neck making me realize that he was a bit more awake than I realized. My eyes fluttered shut as my pulse went haywire, my vision slightly blurring from the overwhelming desire coursing through me.

  “Stop squirming, sugar,” he warned, his voice filled with a hot undertone.

  A shiver worked its way across my skin as I turned my head slightly, finding myself nose to nose with Sterling. I found myself completely at a loss on what to do, because what I wanted to do was have him kiss me, but I… I didn’t know if he wanted that. My breath caught as his eyes swept over my lips before he pressed forward so that he was caged over me, his one hand sliding up my waist and spanning my ribs as I felt everything go dizzy, loving how close he was. I also needed more of his touch—my body was practically demanding it, my skin breaking out into goosebumps.

  “Dahlia,” he murmured, his nose brushing mine as my fingers slid up his neck and into his hair, tugging slightly as a low, sexy groan broke from his throat.

  When his lips pressed gently against my jaw, I arched into him further, loving the feel of his lips there as my nipples tightened against my shirt. His large hand cupped my breast hesitantly, as if afraid I’d pull away, his thumb running over my hardening nipple as a needy sound broke from my throat. Holy shit. Sterling had absolutely never touched me like this before.

  I was not complaining in any way, shape, or form.

  My fingers tightened in his hair as he looked up at me, hesitating with his lips over mine, as I felt everything narrow in on him. I wanted him to kiss me. Scratch that, I needed it. More than I had even realized.

  This wouldn’t be the first time Sterling and I had kissed, although the last time had been when we were freshmen in high school… so a different tone, to be sure. I’d always thought that there was this tension between my boys and
I, but I just assumed that they didn’t feel it anymore since they’d never done anything else. Clearly I’d been wrong, at least about Sterling.

  “Tell me to stop,” he ordered roughly. I knew he didn’t want to stop—not only could I feel it, but I could see how dark his eyes were, rolling with heat and need. He wanted this as much as I did. Also, his fingers were still playing against my sensitive, covered skin, and I needed more. Always more.

  “No,” I whispered before I could overthink it.

  That was all it took.

  Sterling’s lips were molded to mine as everything spun around me, a moan breaking from my throat at the demanding taste of his kiss. I hooked my leg around him as he ground against me, his chest rumbling as my nails dug into his shoulders. Instead of complaining, it seemed to urge him on more, and his hands slipped down to my waist, pushing up my shirt slightly as he kept our lips connected, his rough hands feeling amazing against my skin.

  “Your skin is so fucking soft,” he groaned before sliding his tongue against mine, demanding entry. I softened against him, letting him have complete dominance over the kiss. There was a demanding edge to him I hadn’t expected, and it was causing my body to react like a high speed railway. I rubbed against him, rolling my hips as he let out a feral-sounding snarl against my lips.

  “Fuck, Dahlia.” He pulled away slightly, his eyes wild and heated, making everything in my center tighten.

  “That was amazing,” I felt my cheeks heat at the honest and somewhat embarrassing words coming out of my mouth. Way to play it cool, Dahlia.

  A stunning smile broke out onto his face as he pressed his lips to mine again in a slower, almost deeper kiss than before. When he pulled away, there was a look in his eyes that I didn’t fully understand but had me feeling… well, a lot. Way more than I would have expected.

  When a sudden groan sounded behind us, I froze and my eyes widened, remembering that Lincoln was not only in the room but clearly awake. Sterling’s lips pressed into a hot, cocky grin before he rolled slightly to the side, still keeping me trapped underneath him as his fingers rested on my bare stomach, my shirt pushed up. Lincoln’s face suddenly appeared above me, his eyes lit with humor and something a bit darker.

  “Have a good nap?” he mused, as if asking about the weather.

  “For sure,” I mumbled, my body still covered in shivers, which were not being helped by how Sterling was still holding me.

  “You sure? You look a bit flushed,” Lincoln goaded as I realized that he for sure knew. Sterling chuckled softly as I tried to ground myself.

  “Absolutely peachy,” I insisted, causing Lincoln to flash me a dangerous smile.

  Before he could say anything, the sound of a door closing and voices downstairs had me sitting up fast enough the room spun. Sterling groaned in frustration, rolling back into a comfortable position as Lincoln stood, steadying me with a hand. I knew it was the other guys, and I made a totally rational—not afraid—move and walked over to the bathroom.

  “I’m going to get ready,” I called over my shoulder, wincing at how shaky I sounded. What? Can you blame me for needing a moment to myself?

  Shaking myself, I walked to the mirror and examined my flushed expression. I looked… well, I actually looked pretty good. Mind you, my hair was a mess and my face was pink, but my lips were a bit more swollen than usual, and my eyes were more alive than they had been all summer. My fingers tangled through my hair as I considered what had just happened.

  There had always been a tension between the boys and I, especially this past year. Looking back, I knew they found me attractive… at least, I was almost positive. The confusing part was why we had never done anything about it. Well, until today. Somehow, Sterling’s kiss hadn’t made it any more simple, because I also wanted to kiss Lincoln, Yates, King… and possibly Stratton and Dermot.

  Yeah, okay, this was just ridiculous. I mean, seriously—how on earth did I handle this? My finger brushed over my lips as I considered all the other ‘first kisses’ I’d experienced. I mean, I would never tell the guys, but I’m pretty sure each of them thought they had been my first.

  Yates had kissed me the last week of eighth grade, after we had argued almost nonstop about what a jerk he was being towards one of the guys in our class. It had come out of nowhere, and it had been brief but honestly very memorable. Then Sterling had kissed me, right after the freshman year homecoming dance while walking me home.

  Both I had been able to dismiss because we’d been so young, and honestly, at that age, you sort of just wanted to kiss someone, even if they were your best friend.

  Lincoln had kissed me sophomore year, although I wasn’t positive that fully counted, because it had been by accident, and luckily we’d been able to laugh it off. It was the first time either of us had tried champagne at a Labor Day celebration, so that probably played a part in it.

  Then there was my kiss with Kingston. We’d been having a bit of a ‘going away’ party for him, and after the parents had gone home, I’d stayed up with the guys, not able to justify going to sleep knowing I would be losing my best friend for months.

  So I had kissed the ever living heck out of him after having a few glasses of liquid courage, and he hadn’t seemed to mind one damn bit. He had all but tugged me onto his lap and took over the kiss, only to pull back seconds later insisting that he walk me back home. I’d been so unsure of myself and shocked that I’d only been able to nod, feeling both turned on and confused. We hadn’t spoken of it since, but the look he’d given me that night before heading home had made it seem like he wanted to kiss me again.

  Or maybe that was my imagination. After all, he had left the country the next day.

  Unfortunately, I’d yet to kiss Stratton… I mean, not unfortunately. I didn’t care. I promise. So yeah, the concept of kissing these men wasn’t exactly all that odd, but what did matter to me was what it meant to them. Call me crazy, but that kiss Sterling had just given me hadn’t seemed casual, and he sure as heck hadn’t seemed like he wanted to forget about it.

  “Princess?” Kingston’s voice was outside the door.

  “Come in!” I called out, my voice squeaking as I grabbed a straightening iron and plugged it in. King’s gaze ran over me before a small, amused smile tilted his lips. I thought for sure he would say something, but instead he focused on what happened at the club.

  “Are you feeling good enough to go tonight?”

  “Much better after sleeping,” I promised. And getting the crap kissed out of me by your best friend.

  “Good.” He nodded and then flashed a smile. “We are going to get changed and come by to pick you up, how long do you need to get ready?”

  “Give me thirty?” I asked, brushing through my hair.

  With a nod, he walked back out into the room, and I heard the others leave. My lips dipped slightly, realizing that I had sort of wished Sterling had stopped in to say goodbye… and this is the problem with this entire scenario. I was already expecting them to act different, and all he had done was kiss me.

  I just needed to assume nothing had changed.

  Taking my time getting ready, I made sure to apply fresh makeup and straighten my hair before pulling the front of it from my face. By the time I was done, I looked far more put together and was feeling more grounded, even a bit excited for tonight. I just needed to keep Abby from realizing how much she bothered me. I hated being dismissive of others, but I knew how, so I would try to fully channel that.

  Worst case, I could always leave. I had explained to my mom earlier that I hadn’t felt good, a result of lack of sleep and last night, and she had almost immediately sent me home with the twins in tow. But I was determined to not let Abby ruin my fun and to have tonight end better than the night before.

  My eyes flashed to the house next door while getting ready. I frowned slightly, realizing that I needed to do something so that I understood fully what I was walking into tonight. I didn’t like legitimizing Abby’s story by giving it spa
ce in my mind… but I also didn’t like not knowing the truth. This could end poorly for me, absolutely, but I had to know if there was any authenticity to her words. Stratton didn’t owe me anything, but the idea of him with someone else shocked me to my core. It left me with a hollow feeling, and I found it difficult to even imagine.

  I felt betrayed by the notion, which made no sense and only revealed further to me just how intensely I felt about the brooding man. So while I knew it was probably a bad idea, I couldn’t help but need to know.

  I mean, realistically, what had I expected? That he would never date? That they would never date? Or hook up? I mean, I’d never heard rumors before now, and of course this had the ability to break my heart, which was insane. Sometimes I cursed my naivety when it came to stuff like this. I’d lived in such an isolated bubble that the concept of any of my guys spending time with other women just seemed… impossible.

  And yes, Stratton was still one of my guys, even if he didn’t want to be.

  Maybe I was a bit spoiled. A bit of a princess. Expecting for these men to be only mine and to not have to share them. But wasn’t that exactly what I wanted? All of them, forever, as mine. It was the epitome of entitlement, and I knew they deserved better. No man wanted to share the woman they loved with others, right? My hand came up to my hair in a nervous gesture as I remembered Abby’s words in my head.

  No. I would not spend my evening sad. I was stronger than this.

  Instead, I felt a surge of anger at the concept of some woman touching Stratton or kissing him. I was jealous. I knew I was. But why did she, whoever she was, get to do all of that with him? She didn’t even know him! Not like I did. She hadn’t stayed by his side despite him pushing me away time and time again. Blinking back tears, I walked downstairs, going through the back door and walking around the side yard towards Stratton’s front porch, praying he was home.