Finding Fae Read online

  Copyright © 2020 M. Sinclair

  Published by M. Sinclair

  In USA

  All rights reserved.

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced/transmitted/distributed in any form. No part of this publication shall be shared by any means including photocopying, recording, or any electronic/mechanical method, or the Internet, without prior written consent of the author. Cases of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law are the exception. The unauthorized reproduction/transmitting of this work is illegal. This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are products of the author’s imagination and used fictitiously.

  The Union of Love & Madness

  Editor: Chantal Fleming

  Proofreader: Niki Trento-Spencer

  Description

  My name is Maize.

  Poisonous to the touch.

  The bastard child of one very dead Dark Fae King.

  A refugee of a war that freed me from my three-year imprisonment.

  Loyal to a kingdom that absolutely despises who I am.

  I was free. As free as someone like me could be, at least. At 22, I could go anywhere. Travel any realm. Yet, I chose to stay in the kingdom that saved me. I was loyal to a fault and now after a full year spent living within the castle walls, I was being transferred to the Red Masques academy. Not as a student. Not as a teacher either. I honestly wasn’t positive why I was going… a change of pace? Or maybe they had grown tired of me in the castle. Either way, I would be staying with the team of commanders that are in charge of the institution. It couldn’t be that bad right?

  Well, that was what I assumed before I met the men I would be living with. Yeah, not positive how this is going to work out…stay tuned.

  Finding Fae is book 1 in the Lost In Fae series. This PNR/Fantasy RH is part of an M. Sinclair universe but can be read as a standalone series (feel free to check out the others as well for a more encompassing universe understanding and cameos). Prepare yourself for a strong, but haunted FMC that meets men that may be the best or worst thing for her. Undetermined.

  Book will contain swearing. As well, please be advised that the book contains darker themes including assault, PTSD, and violence. Additionally, sexual themes are suitable for mature audiences +18. Burn level - slow/medium.

  Chapter 1

  Maize

  February

  I curled my nails into my palms, pressing so hard that I felt them break skin, the scent of blood filling the space around me. I swallowed trying to keep myself together as I inhaled sharply, my body aching and radiating pain. Phantom torture pulsed through me as mercury-like tears stained my face from where I hid in my room, away from the rest of the castle.

  I had been like this all night.

  I’d been in pain like this since I woke from a nightmare so horrible and vivid that it could only be a memory. A whimper broke from my lips as I resisted the urge to not hit my head into the wall just to stop the pain, even for a second. You would never guess that I spent my nights like this. Not if you knew me like everyone else in this castle did.

  Cold.

  Controlled.

  Calm.

  Not whimpering with tears staining my face as I felt the memory of electric torture from my father’s magic and the leather boots of Dark Fae soldiers kicking and stepping on my broken form. I had physically healed. I didn’t feel healed though. Even after all this time, I could still remember every single moment of my years in imprisonment. I didn’t think I would ever be completely whole again, the trauma I had been put through for three fucking years of my life like a nasty scar. As if I didn't have enough of those already.

  I had no idea how long I stayed like that, curled in on myself reliving the pain of being held captive for the past three years. I had thought I would die there. I had thought they would eventually push my body far enough that I would die. I hadn’t though.

  When the cold winter sun finally arched over my heavy glass window hours later, the shadows receded and I let out a small unsteady breath. My sobbing lessened and my body unlocked. The sun proving that I was in fact no longer locked down in the dungeons. I climbed towards the window feeling exhausted as my mind raced, my face pressed to the cold glass as the sun slowly heated it. I let out a shaky breath and closed my eyes, praying that the nightmares wouldn’t return. Hoping that I could get some sleep. Even an hour.

  When a sharp knock sounded what felt like a minute later, I opened my blurry eyes and stood to realize it was nearly midafternoon, if I could believe the sunlight that blinded me. I called out, "just a moment," and walked over to my attached bathroom splashing my face with water. Looking up I grimaced, I looked awful. I shook my head and tugged a sweater over my tank top wondering who the hell was bothering me.

  We all knew that I was no longer doing Supernatural Enforcement training, the kingdom’s official military unit, so technically I shouldn’t be needed. Yeah. That happened. Apparently, I was too much of a trigger because I was a Dark Fae so instead I was being shipped off to the Red Masques academy today. It had always been the plan, Gray informing me nearly a year ago of the possible change of location, but I still wasn’t a huge fan. No one fully enjoyed a change that they weren’t choosing for themselves.

  Opening the door, I felt myself soften slightly, looking into a familiar pair of fuschia eyes. I knew the man could literally appear in my room but it made me happy that he respected me enough to knock. I stepped back and let him in. Despite my attempts to push him away, Chait had buried himself in my broken and empty heart, making me actually care about him. Care about our friendship. Well him, as well as another Red Masques commander that was no doubt expected to join us. The two of them were attached at the hip. I closed the door but didn’t lock it as Chait fixed me with a concerned look. He never mentioned it because I essentially shut it down immediately, but I was almost positive he knew about my nightmares. I wasn’t positive how, considering he lived completely across the kingdom, but then again the man seemed to know a lot of odd shit like that.

  “Have you been crying?” he asked softly, his voice smooth and tinged with concern.

  “No,” I waved him off with a small smile and sat down on a velvet couch that was near a constantly lit fireplace.

  Chait watched me for a moment before looking towards the door. I used my enhanced hearing to listen to the sound of expensive boots making their way down the hallway. I tried to not let panic override me. Footsteps still made me uncomfortable because it usually meant something bad was coming. I was worried I would violently lash out. Worried I would do something I would regret one of these days. I looked over Chait, trying to distract myself which was fairly easy considering how freakin’ stunning he was to look at.

  Chait’s dark hair, a shock of curls on top with short almost shaved sides, shimmered with fuschia wave-like streaks due to his magic. The effect had me shivering as his hazy magic wrapped around me, subconsciously no doubt, the spicy and exotic scent matching the lazy sensual man himself. Although, even those descriptors didn’t match him very well because the man had a depth that felt like an endless foggy lane. You know those dreams where you just keep walking? Never finding the end? That was how it felt to be wrapped up in his magic. I examined his golden skin, and as usual, got stuck on his ears that were far more pointed than a fae’s would be.

  I knew why. It was something he rarely talked about. Something he was ashamed of. It was why it confused me that he had admitted being part Dark Fae and part Elven to me. I was glad he had, but I wasn’t positive why he felt the need to explain himself to me. Maybe because of the Dark Fae element? Or
maybe because of his constant journey to get me to open up as well? It didn’t really matter because while he may not realize it, that type of trust had meant a lot to me. I hated to imagine what it was like growing up in the Elven realm. The Dark Fae Kingdom had been terrible no doubt, but nothing compared to the cesspool of disgusting shit the elves did in their spare time. Which was constant because the entire kingdom lived in absolute reckless spirit.

  Plus, I actually rather liked Chait’s ears despite him not enjoying them.

  I had a feeling his childhood was no better than mine. I recognized the pain that flashed in those oddly colored, thickly lashed, eyes. While he was leaner and shorter than some of the other men I knew, at 5’11, there was no doubt he was a warrior. Even though he wore an oversized hoodie and jeans today, I knew there were a ridiculous amount of muscles and tattoos underneath his casual Earth realm clothes. Such a contrast to the dark stone room around us that bore both modern and medieval-like amenities.

  The Horde was odd like that. One of three kingdoms within the Fae realm, it seemed to be stuck in an odd transition phase of the old and new. We had fairly easy access to the Earth realm so you often saw people in everything from full armor to hoodies. I had never been to the Earth realm but those I had met seemed…interesting to say the least. I was hoping this advancement traveled across borders into the Dark Fae kingdom. That place needed a ton of work.

  My eyes snapped away from the ridiculous amount of piercings Chait had as the door opened. What? It was insanely hard to not look and stare at the man, he had silver piercings everywhere, covering each ear, lip, and eyebrow. So many small little piercings. It was addictive. I honestly wondered where else he had piercings...

  Maddox opened the door and stepped in, my heart warming at the sight of the man. See I wasn’t completely heartless? These men proved it. I had never met the rest of their Red Masques command squad and I tried to not consider that it was purposeful, but a year was a long time. Maybe they just figured they would wait until I got transferred since we’d been aware of it most likely happening? Or maybe not. Maybe they didn’t want me to meet them. I had no fucking idea. I suppose it didn’t matter since I would not only be meeting them but living with them as well.

  I did take solace in the fact that I would know two of the men I would live near at least. Two men that I could admit to trusting. Something that I thought would be impossible for me considering every person that had ever been close to me had hurt me in some way. I know, fucking peachy right?

  Maybe this would be the new start I needed?

  As mentioned, a lot was changing around here and I could only hope that the hatred of the Dark Fae would lessen over time. Although in some ways the Fae land itself breeds competition and enemies. The realm split into massive geographical sections that consisted of the Light Fae realm, Dark Fae realm, and the Horde. The Horde was my current residence and was ruled by Queen Gray.

  Somewhere around twenty years ago, my asshole father had killed Queen Gray’s parents and had attempted to kill Gray herself on her 6th birthday. I know, I was shocked she didn’t hate me because of that alone. While her brother served in her place as the Horde’s leader, Gray had run to the Earth realm. The Horde had thought her dead or missing and after two decades, no one had expected her to return. When she did, taking her place as the True Heir with a fantastic taste in shoes, I had to admit, everyone was shocked.

  So she and my father waged war. I’d heard the Dark Fae soldiers talking about it and frankly was unsurprised when the Horde took over the castle, freeing me in the process. My father’s military was average, at best. I would never forget that day. Never forget the moment that I realized I would be free.

  She had also killed my father, which I was only disappointed about a tad bit because I’d craved to kill him myself. Gray had ripped out his heart and I approved of the tactic. Honestly, I had celebrated his death and being freed from the imprisonment that I’d been placed into at the age of eighteen. Why, you ask? At eighteen I had become powerful enough to not only become a threat to my father, who knew of my dislike of literally everything about him, but also was juiced up enough that he could drain magic from me like every other adult in the kingdom.

  My family was perfect, right?

  Following that, the war had begun right around then and I’d met Chait and Maddox. Queen Gray had brought me to her castle, despite others’ protests due to my heritage and let me heal there. After over a year, I had not only physically healed but tried to show my devotion to the kingdom that saved me by serving in Supernatural Enforcement. Unfortunately, not only was I still considered the enemy to most, but also a woman. Yeah. We were still working on that pesky sexism shit in the Fae lands.

  I had finally begun getting used to all of this. Now, I would have to readapt. If it hadn’t been Gray’s suggestion I would have probably said no. I knew she was concerned about how the SE was treating me and I didn’t feel as though I had a right to disagree with her. Hell, I wouldn’t be living anywhere but in a dungeon, if it wasn't for her.

  So now I was going to the Red Masques academy, the starting point of a special operations private militia that Queen Gray’s sister, Vegas, and her fiancés were not only part of but started. My half brother, Bandit, was part of their team and thankfully the True Heir of the god awful kingdom I’d been raised and tortured in. He could fucking have it. I would rather stay in the Horde, even if I had to live in a damn alleyway at this point. As you can imagine, I wasn’t exactly very picky considering my situation.

  “Maize.” Maddox’s neon eyes met mine and I was struck by their brilliance. So much color. So much brightness. It was like a drug trip to someone who had spent three years in a dungeon.

  “Morning,” I offered a soft smile as he dipped his head and pressed a kiss to my forehead. My stomach tightened at his proximity as I tried to stuff down the feelings that had slowly been making themselves known, whether I was okay with it or not.

  “You look tired,” he admitted, sitting as Chait joined us on the couch.

  I offered a small smile but avoided answering. “So when do I move today?” Maddox narrowed his eyes at me, no doubt unimpressed by my attempt.

  “Tonight, not during the day,” Chait admitted, “we didn’t want to distract the students.”

  Yes. Because I was quite distracting to look at and not in a positive way.

  “What am I going to be doing there?” I asked, feeling anxiety buckle my chest.

  “We aren’t exactly sure,” Maddox grunted. Wonderful. I tried to not get distracted by Maddox, but as I stated, it was getting more difficult around both of them. His scent was Fae but not completely…no, he was more than that. I couldn’t tell you what. The two of them were somewhat of a mystery if we were being honest. I looked over his massive 6'5 build that was made of cut and lean muscle. Made me feel like he could do some serious damage considering the absolutely unhinged light to his eyes that rested right below his relaxed, but somehow commanding personality. The man was confusing as hell.

  “Cannon is probably going to have a fit when they tell him you’ve arrived,” Chait admitted softly as Maddox messed up his own crimson hair and closed his vibrant neon green eyes, lessening the dizzying effect he had on me. Not much though. Both of them made me want to crawl across their laps, and trust me, I’ve never had that thought before.

  This afternoon he wore a pair of dark black jeans that sat below a muscled cut V of his hot as hell body. His shoulders were covered in an open military jacket that had tiny little teacup buttons. The man had runes that ran across the side of his face from temple to jaw. He was absolutely lethal.

  I found him far more attractive because of it. I think it was because I felt like both Chait and Maddox could hold their own next to me. They weren’t scared of me or my magic and because of that, I found myself trusting them. I also found it funny how many people were scared of them, specifically some of the SE assholes that had made my life a bit of hell during training.

>   “He doesn’t want me there,” I stated factually.

  “I wouldn’t say that,” Maddox inhaled and muttered, “I think he has forgotten you are arriving. I think you will find that our team's reaction to you may be a bit…intense.”

  “Why?”

  Chait offered me a gentle hand squeeze. “It’s just a hunch. You just deliver quite a punch Maize.”

  I laughed softly but it was sad and stressed, I stood and walked towards my bathroom. “Do you mind if I get ready really quick? I’m guessing you want to go get lunch?”

  “Actually we can’t stay,” Maddox admitted as he stood and approached me, he placed his fingers underneath my chin.

  “Why?” I asked, trying to not sound like a kicked fucking puppy.

  “We have to prepare a few things,” Chait admitted, appearing behind me and pressing a kiss to my shoulder. I nodded, sighing slightly and relaxing into their touch. The only two men, and people, really allowed to touch me, truth be told. After a moment and a goodbye, they left, and I tried to not let pain sever my heart. That was the issue with those men. I’d tried to push them away, but I just found myself getting more and more addicted.

  Some days I wondered if I should just leave. Leave the Horde. Leave the Fae lands. Just leave. You can’t blame me completely. After nearly a year living in Queen Gray’s castle and attempting to fit in with a nation that hates you? Let’s just say it was exhausting. More so now that I had to move to the Red Masques academy. I really didn’t want to explain myself to another group of pricks.

  Walking into the bathroom I examined my pale face. At twenty-two, I was, of course, a very young fae, but I didn’t feel that way, I felt far older. Far more tired. Some days I wondered how I hadn’t been here longer than the ground beneath my feet. Other days that same thought process urged me to not waste time and instead, explore the world around me. This universe that the cosmos god had drafted, like a messy drawing, consisted of infinite amounts of realms with fascinating creatures and even more fascinating experiences. So why the hell was I not exploring them? Well, the loyalty I felt towards the Horde was steadfast and I figured that since I most likely wouldn’t even be alive without them…I could wait for vacation time. Right?